Coaching Malpractice

Four of the six losers would have won with their best lineup, Mike is 2-0 with the second-worst offense in the league, and Val did it again. Scoring was down everywhere (league average 110.54, off from 118.66 last week), and most of it was self-inflicted.

🔥 Game of the Week: Mrs Minnesota 95.06, Big arj 90.40

The first game of the year where nobody cracked 100. Mike got 35.3 from CeeDee Lamb and roughly nothing else: Justin Jefferson 8.5, Etienne 7.1, Cameron Dicker 1.0 (3.0 points in two weeks), and a Lions D/ST that went -4.0. Travis Kelce put up 25.1 on his bench behind Tyler Warren. Arjun still found a way to lose it. Bijan (11.1) and Jeanty (10.3) combined for 21.4 a week after combining for 64, Lamar went 14.8, and the whole roster came in 35 points under projection. Arjun's optimal lineup was 97.30, which beats Mike's actual 95.06. Mike is 2-0 with 209.58 points, 11th in the league. Winning ugly still counts, but this one was a crime scene.

💀 Massacre of the Week: Caleb Nation 114.38, Tuten and Bo-otin 69.92

Val is averaging 68.23 through two weeks. The next-worst average in the league is 104.79. This week the team named Tuten and Bo-otin benched Bhayshul Tuten (14.2) for Jacory Croskey-Merritt (5.8) and left Denzel Boston's 20.5 on the bench next to him. Harrison Mevis kicked for 3.0, a 200 percent improvement on last week. Bo Nix at least showed up (14.12). Patrick barely had to: Purdy went 28.48, Dak went 29.76 on the bench (yes, still three QBs), and Kenneth Walker added 23.8. Patrick is 2-0 with 252.68 points and has beaten his two opponents by a combined 75.86. Also, Caleb Williams went 7.72 this week, so for once Caleb Nation is thrilled it does not own Caleb Williams.

🪑 The Benched QB Bowl: Hugh Jass 116.38, Milk Destroyer 105.10 and Christopher's Daring Team 119.72, Mrs. Wisconsin 114.00

Two losses, same autopsy. Kyle started Jaxson Dart and got 0.8, which nobody saw coming. Jared Goff scored 29.78 on his bench, the top bench score in the league. Kyle's optimal lineup was 135.28 against Sam B's 116.38. That is two straight weeks Kyle has lost a game his roster should have won. Sam B took it with Dalton Schultz (26.0 on an 8.93 projection), CMC (22.6) and Olave (22.6, a week after 28.2). Lauren's version: Matthew Stafford 26.98 on the bench, Jordan Love 13.8 in the lineup, DJ Moore -0.1 as a starter. Swap Stafford in and she wins by 7. Instead, JSN's 42.5, the best score by anyone this week, went to waste. Chris, for the second straight week, left 30+ on the bench (Diggs 21.7, Kittle 18.0) and won anyway, this time behind a 20-point Patriots D/ST and DeVonta Smith (27.7). Chris is 2-0 by a combined 6.28 points. Still lucky. Still counts.

🐏 Mr. Minnesota 126.62, ram my derrick 121.44

Chandler is 0-2 with the 4th most points in the league (239.20). Last week he played a perfect lineup and lost. This week Malik Nabers gave him 1.1, and any of Spears (9.0), Concepcion (8.2) or Boutte (6.7) off his bench would have flipped the game. Hindsight is undefeated. Derrick Henry (17.7) and James Cook (20.9) did their jobs. Sam O got there on Davante Adams, who went 39.5 in the FLEX on a 15.5 projection, and Ja'Marr Chase (26.5), who remembered he is Ja'Marr Chase. Sam O also got 7.72 from Caleb Williams and 1.4 from Dallas Goedert, both of whom got hurt mid-game, while Jake Ferguson scored 20.3 on his bench. He won by 5.18 with 22.1 points sitting. No lineup crime there, just bad luck he survived.

🦬 Drewa Lipa 137.42, Mr Wisconsin 115.98

Josh Allen 40.82. That is the whole story. Add Kincaid (22.5) and Gibbs (23.3) and Drew is 2-0 with 287.18 points, 21 clear of anyone else. Progress report: Drew left 21.7 on the bench this week (Tre Tucker 22.9, Josh Downs 14.2) instead of 46. He set his lineup. Mostly. Bryan actually started Mahomes this time (28.98) and got 35.2 from Amon-Ra, and it still did not matter, because Saquon went 3.0 and Colston Loveland followed up his goose egg with 1.3. That is 1.3 points from the tight end spot in two weeks. Bryan is 0-2 with the 7th most points in the league, and with Bryce Young (24.08) and Burrow (16.18) on the bench he is also carrying three QBs. It is a trend in this league and it is not a good one. Both Wisconsins lost this week. Minnesota sweep.

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🏆 Week 2 Awards

• Top scoreDrewa Lipa, 137.42
• Low scoreTuten and Bo-otin, 69.92
• MVPJaxon Smith-Njigba, 42.5 (Mrs. Wisconsin, in a loss). Second straight week the MVP lost.
• Top QBJosh Allen, 40.82 (Drewa Lipa)
• Top RBJonathan Taylor, 29.2 (Milk Destroyer, in a loss)
• Top TEDalton Schultz, 26.0 (Hugh Jass)
• Bust of the weekJaxson Dart, 0.8 on an 18.18 projection (Milk Destroyer)
• Bench of the weekChristopher's Daring Team, 78.2 points
• Worst sitJared Goff, 29.78 on Milk Destroyer's bench while Dart scored 0.8
• Should have wonram my derrick, Mrs. Wisconsin, Milk Destroyer and Big arj. Four of six losers beat their opponent with an optimal lineup.
• Kicker watchBrandon Aubrey, 16.9 (Milk Destroyer). Cameron Dicker has 3.0 points in two weeks (Mrs Minnesota).

📊 Standings

2-0: Drewa Lipa (287.18), Caleb Nation (252.68), Christopher's Daring Team (234.04), Mrs Minnesota (209.58)

1-1: Mrs. Wisconsin (266.08), Big arj (236.76), Mr. Minnesota (225.88), Hugh Jass (220.74)

0-2: ram my derrick (239.20), Mr Wisconsin (229.74), Milk Destroyer (212.00), Tuten and Bo-otin (136.46)

Set your lineups. Especially you, Val.